Some Things Never Change - But Some Things Do

Ernie was 86 years old and lonely. Seeing an advert in the local paper for a Tea Dance in the village hall, he decided to give it a go. On arrival he walked into the hall and the first person he saw was Mary, his girlfriend from over sixty years ago. He sheepishly made his way over to her.
Ernie: "Hello Mary"
Mary: "Ernie, fancy seeing you here, after all these years"
Ernie: "The last time I saw you was over sixty years ago. We were courting and fell out in this very hall, remember?"
Mary: "I do, we were young and foolish then".
Ernie: "We had some good times in those day's".
Mary: "We did, I remember them well"
Ernie: "Do you remember how we used to go round the back of the hall, during the interval?
Mary: "I do, I'll never forget those days"
Ernie: "And do you remember how we leaned against against the fence, you stood on two bricks and we made mad passionate love?"
Mary: "I do, I do, how could I ever forget, it was 1942"
Ernie: "Why don't we do it again now, just like we did in 1942"
Mary: "Alright then, if you want to"
They went outside, walked round the back of the hall and down to the fence.
Ernie: "Well, look at that Mary, those same two bricks are still there in exactly the same position. Why don't you try standing on them again, just like you did in 1942"
Mary: "Alright then"
Mary stood on the bricks and they began to make mad passionate love. After thirty seconds Ernie was panting and gasping for breath.
Ernie: "For god's sake Mary slow down you'll give me a heart attack! You were never like this in 1942"
Mary: "No and the bloody fence was electrified in 1942"

Turf Cigarette Cards

When I was a youngster one of my favourite pastimes was collecting cigarette packets. Litter bins were few and far between in those days and often you would find an empty packet lying in the street. Another likely place was around the pub yards. At that time cigarette packets did not have flip tops, therefore the front of the packets were easily cut off and were still in tact. They were then generally kept in a pile secured with an elastic band, or if you were lucky enough to have one, in one of the several tobacco tins which were also around at that time. The most popular cigarette brands included Players, Senior Service, Craven A, Goldflake, Woodbines and Players Weights etc, but the most popular with us young collectors was Turf. The reason being that printed inside every packet of Turf were picture cards, one card in a packet of 10 and two cards in a packet of 20. A series usually consisted of 50 cards and were all printed in a blue colour. The most popular series were the footballers, they were caricatures with large heads and small bodies. Other series included cricketers, film stars, aeroplanes and dogs. The great fun with these cards was having duplicates and swapping them with your friends. Turf were untipped cigarettes as it was several years later that filter-tipped cigarettes became popular.

Brainteaser - Friday's Answers

You will remember I told you there were two possible answers to the Friday Brainteaser. Did you find them both? Here are the correct answers:

4368..........and..........2034

Watch out for more Brainteasers in the Journal.

Back To The Good Old Days - Well Not Quite!

Any regular drinker will tell you that the price of a pint of beer these days is extortionate. Let the government put 2p extra tax on our beloved pint and there will be cries of outrage. Funny isn't it that when a brewery chain sells beer at 1p per pint (yes 1p, it is not a typing error) they still get criticised. The Dukedom Group, based in Stockton-on-Tees, are running an offer in six of their pubs where beer is being sold at 1p per pint when bought with a spirit.
However, the promotion has sparked outrage in some quarters and has been labelled as irresponsible. Dan Taylor the Labour MP for Stockton claimed it would encourage binge drinking. A spokesman for Cleveland police has said, they will be monitoring the pubs closely for anti-social behaviour and violence. I am sure they are right to be concerned, but what a shame people cannot behave responsibly and enjoy the opportunity to have a relatively inexpensive social night out. As always in these situations it is the few spoiling it for the majority.